Mustardia is on the warpath, and Brownia must tread carefully lest relationships with neighbours Cyanica and Ginger suffer as the nations gear up for conflict.

And while ships of these imaginary chromatic nations prepare for action far out to sea off the north-west coast of Scotland, battling against fierce winds and a most unpleasant four-metre Atlantic swell, the atmosphere at the Maritime Operations Centre in Clyde Naval Base is as calm as the waters of the Gare Loch which lap the jetties just beyond the windows.

This dichotomy between the ships ploughing through heavy seas at the ‘sharp end’ of Joint Maritime Course (JMC) 033 and the managers ashore neatly captures the essence of the two-week exercise, normally held three times a year.

For while the ships and aircraft – and increasingly in recent years, land-based units – strive for supremacy against their enemies and the worst that Mother Nature can throw at them in a scenario which reflects the current world political situation, the 20 core staff and 100 or so augmentees at Faslane are constantly calculating, refining and amending plans to give Commanding Officers as much scope for training as possible.

Cold War JMCs used to reflect the submarine threat posed by the Soviet Union, but the focus has since shifted closer to the shore, and although there are still high-seas elements, the scenarios now have far more of a littoral flavour.

A dozen nations were involved in JMC 033 – the last of the year – which as usual was split into work-up and operational (mock war-fighting) phases.

Staff Officer Info Ops Lt Cdr Simon Goldsmith said there had been a steady move towards true jointery.

JMCs usually attract RAF and allied air force planes, particularly maritime patrol aircraft (MPAs), and JMC 033 was no exception – among the 11 MPAs taking part were Australian/New Zealand P3s – but this time the Army Air Corps brought some helicopters along, and the RAF Regiment had ground defence forces deployed ashore.

Some staff supporting the P3s really were in Scotland on a flying visit – one of the RAAF augmentees, Flying Officer Catherine Walsh, said: “I will have spent more time travelling here and back than I will have done in the country.”

A one-way trip in a C-130 Hercules takes seven days from Australia, with stopover – but for Catherine it gave invaluable exposure to European forces. Her normal contact would be with American forces in the Pacific theatre.

Co-ordinating staff in the Clyde Naval Base HQ must tackle and solve a bewildering array of problems, ranging from repositioning ships whose programme has been disrupted by weather to arranging helicopter or boat transfers, hotel accommodation in remote towns and finding spare parts at short notice.

Lt Cdr Goldsmith said the emphasis was on enabling training to take place, rather than setting up rigid patterns and programmes to be imposed on ships.

“We facilitate training. We create the conditions for units to be in the right place at the right time to train as individuals or in a group,” he said.

“It’s a question of meshing it all together – and it’s all about communications.

“There are lots of ways of doing things but we have got some ships out there without the Internet, or without telephones, and talking to them remains the key.

“The atmospherics are just as bad as 40 years ago, but we can produce more information more quickly now – so there are still issues with communications.”